What now??

[falconbrother]

My wife of 37 years and RV partner passed away. She and I loved to load up the dogs and go camping. We started in a van camper in 1987.

In 2017 we went together to CW and bought a new travel trailer together. That was the first new rig we ever bought. The plan was to finish her puppy's championship in the AKC and then enjoy the camping. Now none of that will ever happen.

Now I look at that RV and I don't feel any interest in RVing at all. It was fun because it was us.

[Matt_Colie]

We are members of a very tight RV community. So tight that widow(ers) often don't want to miss the major rallies. As a direct result, we have had two singles hook up and they have traveling partners again. One couple each like his/her own coach so much that they kept both and change between as they see fit.

Matt

[GoinThisAway]

My Mom passed away after a short illness several years ago. Dad was devastated. He and Mom were married for over 50 years and did most everything together, including 20+ years of traveling the country in their 5er. Like you, he was lost without Mom by his side. Eventually, he sought for and found a like-minded widow. They share the love and life they had with their previous spouse with each other and have built a new love and life together. He's even introduced his new love to RVing. Not a day goes by that Dad doesn't miss Mom but he can now live his life with hope and joy. Your path forward and destination may be different but, taking things day by day, I pray you too will find hope and joy in the future while cherishing the love and life you and your wife shared.

[toedtoes]

I think there is a difference between meeting someone new who "works" and not waiting versus rushing into a relationship because you're scared or intimidated to be alone.

I suspect you would have adjusted had your SO not shown up in your life at that time. But never knock the Cat Gods when they deliver exactly what you need. 😉

P.S. TY

[winnietrey]

From what I understand, women tend to have much better live alone skills than men.
More hobbies, more friends. The live alone skill is one I do not have, nor one I want to learn. I complement TT on her skill at doing that.

I began dating a few months after my wife passed, found someone, and have been together ever sense.

Although I might have raised some eyebrows, it was a great choice for me. All that wait a year stuff, came out of Victorian England. Much more cultural that anything else.

Not saying my way was right, but it worked for me, and to be truefull I thank god every day for my new love. truth is I suspect I would not done very well alone

[toedtoes]

falconbrother wrote:
I gotta tell you that so far I hate the single life. My wife and I had a good relationship. Adjusting to her being gone, this "new normal" is difficult. We were best friends for the best part of four decades. I know that I must let that go and move forward. But, it's hard to let go of that part of my reality, the plans we had to grow old together.

It has barely been any time at all. Don't rush it. Take it slow. It's not about letting go at this point, it's simply learning how to function on your own. Once you are doing that on a daily basis without having to "think it out", you'll be ready for the next step.

Don't let anyone push you faster than you are comfortable with.

[falconbrother]

I gotta tell you that so far I hate the single life. My wife and I had a good relationship. Adjusting to her being gone, this "new normal" is difficult. We were best friends for the best part of four decades. I know that I must let that go and move forward. But, it's hard to let go of that part of my reality, the plans we had to grow old together.

[toedtoes]

My single life isn't new anymore. My ability to enjoy it fully and not feel the need to seek out a willing companion for every experience came later - when I realized how many things I didn't do because "there was no one to go with me".

I think your experience is very similar to mine. I found that being more open towards people and not "hiding away" gave me a richer experience. I learned things I didn't know, I saw things I wouldn't have otherwise. And I enjoyed it more.

I also found that when I go places and do things with a companion, I tend to have a much narrower field of experience. The activity is based more on the interaction with that companion than it is in the actual enjoyment of the activity. When I'm solo, I to focus more on what's going on around me - and a lot of that is because I don't close myself off to "outsiders" like I do when I'm with someone.

[dedmiston]

toedtoes wrote:
I have since traveled alone. I found the most difficult stigma to overcome was dining out alone, especially at nice restaurants. To conquer that, I started going a bit earlier in the evening to avoid the rush. And I bring a book or journal and read or write down my thoughts about things.

Not claiming at all that this is the same thing, but I used to travel a lot for business. When I treated myself and took myself out to dinner, I always brought a book along with me (pre iPhone days).

I always enjoyed myself, but I also noticed that the service staff and even people sitting nearby would take pity on a dude sitting alone and reading, and they'd try to engage me in conversation. I always appreciated their kindness and enjoyed the conversations. I really had to retrain myself to be open to it, because there was a big part of me that kept thinking, "I'd really like to get back to this gripping book instead of talking about the weather with strangers". I broke myself of that bad habit and enjoyed their company when people tried to engage me.

Apologies again for comparing my business travel with your newly single life. I realize that they are very very different.

[toedtoes]

As a single person, I recommend that you just get out on your own. Start with the movies. Even when you go with someone, you rarely talk during the actual movie. So, head out for a matinee show and just watch the movie. After a few times, you'll realize that it's actually not bad going to the movies alone. You get to sit exactly where YOU like to sit, you don't have anyone asking "what happened?", "who's that", etc, while you're watching.

Once you get comfortable with the movies, start thinking about other activities and how doing them alone can be enjoyable.

Once I started doing this, I found that most things were actually enjoyable on my own. I still love to do things with friends and such, but I no longer depend on having a companion to get out there.

I have since traveled alone. I found the most difficult stigma to overcome was dining out alone, especially at nice restaurants. To conquer that, I started going a bit earlier in the evening to avoid the rush. And I bring a book or journal and read or write down my thoughts about things.

One interesting side effect is that I tend to be more outgoing and will chat with museum staff or waiters or other tourists, etc.

As a woman, I know that there is a wariness towards solo men, but all I can say is to just keep putting yourself out there. I find that the more I talk to people about solo life, the less I fall into the "uh oh, solo man ahead, he must be a serial killer" mindset.

[falconbrother]

winnietrey wrote:
I am a member of the club, wife died two years ago. All we can do is, decide not to die on the same day our wife did. Solider on, one foot in front of the other. it will get better. We must live on, it is what they would want

Working was a great thing for me, kept me occupied. Otherwise would probably gone home and drank myself to death.

Not gonna lie, the road ahead is pretty tough for months, but have faith, the grief will lessen, you will become you again, you will live again and if you desire you will find another to love.

Keep the faith

I guess it's been about six weeks since she died. This "new normal" sucks. But, I'm coming to grips with the fact that what I want isn't going to happen. I have to move forward with a totally new future that I had not planned for or anticipated. So far the single life isn't fun at all. I'm not ready to date but, I still want to have a life, go do things, concerts, movies -n- such.

[winnietrey]

I am a member of the club, wife died two years ago. All we can do is, decide not to die on the same day our wife did. Solider on, one foot in front of the other. it will get better. We must live on, it is what they would want

Working was a great thing for me, kept me occupied. Otherwise would probably gone home and drank myself to death.

Not gonna lie, the road ahead is pretty tough for months, but have faith, the grief will lessen, you will become you again, you will live again and if you desire you will find another to love.

Keep the faith

[Williamdavis]

The first topic that I read. Sincere condolences for your loss. And also hope you always have fun and continue to be passionate about RVing.
Also, thanks for everyone's advice on finding tires for the 2016 Airstream Flying Cloud 23D, this is the RV that I bought 3 years ago. I read some articles about tires for this car like xxx
https://www.goodyearrvtires.com/
https://tireer.com/best-rv-tires/
https://www.tiremart.com/by-type/rv-tires/
Need everyone's help

[pianotuna]

Wait at least one year before you jump out of the frying pan.

[falconbrother]

ventrman wrote:

falconbrother wrote:
My wife of 37 years and RV partner passed away. She and I loved to load up the dogs and go camping. We started in a van camper in 1987.

In 2017 we went together to CW and bought a new travel trailer together. That was the first new rig we ever bought. The plan was to finish her puppy's championship in the AKC and then enjoy the camping. Now none of that will ever happen.

Now I look at that RV and I don't feel any interest in RVing at all. It was fun because it was us.

I would give you some advice that a dear friend gave me when my wife of 18 years died. He said, Greg do something for yourself and do something to change your environment. I got rid of the hospital bed so I did not have to dwell on her being back there suffering and I could do nothing about it. Then I took a trip back to the Yakima, WA area whre I grew up. When I got back to Nashville, TN a friend told me, Greg you look 10 years younger than you did the last time I saw you. Good luck and God Bless!

I was with her at Hospice when she died. The nurse said I could go back home. The last thing I was going to do was go home and stare at that hospital bed. There was too much suffering that occurred in that environment. I have returned to work. I pretty much burned through all of my sick leave taking care of her. I still don't know exactly how much vacation time I have left. Nevertheless, I have cleaned out the house of all sickness related items. I haven't decided if I want to continue to work or not. People say I shouldn't make any big decisions right now. Since I don't know my tail from a hole in the ground that seems like a good idea.